08:47 pm - Phew. I made it through the three weeks of not working, not leaving my house... it was hilariously hard though. I always thought that would be ideal, not having to do anything, but lemme tell you, it did messed up stuff to my head, I was going crazy. It does not help that the past two months there have been big changes, life changing moments, to have to dwell on constantly. It was unhealthy. But ahhhhhh..... I started work last Friday, started volunteering with the Obama campaign, started going to the gym... I'm already falling into a schedule, which after all that time of no set schedule, is really nice. My new job is pretty bogus, very business-y.. I'm going to have a cubicle (gag). BUT, I will not lose sight of why I'm working there, which is so I can go to NEW ZEALAND in one year. I'm going to save like crazy. It's going to happen. Drucy will be furious with me forever if it doesn't. Speaking of Drew, I miss that girl. And, I hate to say it, but I really really miss Colorado.
12:24 am - "It's not like I believe in everlasting love." I'm in such a strange place right now. I am about to start a job I'm already loathing, simply for the money. I'm now single, simply because my mind is in a faraway place. I am back in Michigan, simply because I can't afford to be anywhere else, and I thought coming home was what I wanted. But nothing is really that simple. Everything is tangled up inexplicably, like all the necklaces in my jewelry box I haven't touched since I was in Colorado (how does that happen?). I'm crazy emotional right now, but not around anybody... just when I'm alone, listening to music, and wondering what I'm doing. I want so many things right now that I can't have. I want to throw a tantrum like a spoiled brat, but I know that won't get me anything.
I lost my Grandma last week, very unexpectedly, and that has hit me in a bad way. I held her hand while she died, and I've been desperately trying to forget that image, and replace it with all of the times I've seen her laughing (probably a million, she was always laughing), but its still fresh, still raw, and I only wish that I had someone to hold me, with no other pretenses or expectations... I miss my friends terribly.
I want to do something wild and crazy... I want to so badly, but I've never been good at doing something for myself without hurting somebody along the way.
On an aside, I think everyone should do themselves a favor and listen to Laura Marling.. watch her video New Romantic, its so good.
And here are lyrics that apply so well to my situation right now...
There's a house across the river, but alas. I cannot swim And a garden of such beauty that the flowers seem to grin There's a house across the river, but alas, I cannot swim I'll live my life regretting that I never jumped in.
There's a boy across the river with short black curly hair, He wants to be my lover and I want to be his peer, There's a boy across the river but alas, I cannot swim, And I never will get to put my arms around him.
There's a life across the river that was meant for me, Instead I live my life in constant misery. There's a life across the river but I do not see Why I should please those that will never be pleased.
There is gold across the river but I don't want none
Gold is fleeting, gold is fickle, gold is fun
There is gold across the river but I don't want none I would rather be dry than held up by a golden gun
Saying 'work more and more' live more, have more fun. Current Mood: listless Current Music: Laura Marling
06:32 pm - laundry day. do you ever bury your face in clothes fresh out of the dryer, inhale, and let memories wash over you?
It's been 28 weeks since I've written in Livejournal, and probably nearly that long since I've read it. I am now feeling more homesick than I've felt since I've gotten here. I'm okay with that though. My expirience in the mountains has differed greatly from Drew's (I think). Where she has grown outward, making new friends and trying new things, I've grown inward. My job may have something to do with that, or the fact that there is no way on earth I'm going to come close to finding replacements for my friends back home, but I've been quieter, and spending a lot of time by myself. I am glad to be able to reflect more, and having "me" time, but god, I miss having friends. I miss going out and hanging over at someone's house or going to shows to watch my friends play music. I miss Jon (alotalotalotalotalot). I miss 3 AM Meijer trips. I really really want a friend right now who I can hold onto. I miss you.
But, I can also tell you what I don't miss: I don't miss shitty Michigan winters. I don't miss the car wash. I don't miss feeling lost, like I wasn't going anywhere in life. I don't miss moving aimlessly through the days, weeks, months. It's exhilerating to finally feel like I'm heading in the right direction. I can't believe how much I've done already, I've only been gone a month. But god. It feels like ages since I've had a friend. I miss you.
Why is clean laundry so depressing? Current Location:my room, Vail, CO Current Mood: lonely
I have such mixed feelings on this film-- I feel like I'm bound to dislike it, as the books are so near and dear to my heart. I've read them so many times I already have a movie in my head that is way better than any movie they will put on the screen. I've heard that most religious references in the book will be taken out in the movie, which upsets me. What made the books so thought provoking, mystical, and intellectual will be lacking in the movie and make the story a dead shell of something great, not to mention prohibit them from making the other two books into a movie. I'm going to hope that I heard wrong. But, the trailer is still intriguing, so I'm sure I'll be at the midnight showing.
06:08 pm - Dance Tonight Why I love this: 1. Gareth 2. Natalie Portman 3. A fully tuned mandolin arrives in a box 4. A left handed mandolin at that 5. Duh, Paul McCartney 6. Did I mention the mandolin?
I suppose I might have to explain this second video of my brother so my friends can understand it. Recently, my mother has been telling us about nightmares she's been having about Woody Allen. She hates him, so this only makes the nightmares worse. She says she dreams she's Mia Farrow walking in on Woody having sex with their adopted daughter (this brings me great amusement, wtf kind of nightmare is that?!) My brother Eric picked up quick on her immense dislike of Woody Allen, so he thought it would be funny to tape a picture of him with the words 'my great hero' posted beneath on her bedroom door while she showered. He waited behind the chair to catch her reaction, and this is what happened. I'm amused anyway.
04:33 pm - Just because. I wish I had wrote this song.
I Started A Blog Which Nobody Read by Sprites
I started a blog, which nobody read When I went to work I blogged there instead I started a blog, which nobody viewed It might be in cache, the topics include:
George Bush is an evil moron What’s the story with revolving doors? I’m in love with a girl who doesn’t know I exist Nobody hates preppies anymore
I started a blog, but nobody came No issues were raised, no comments were made I started a blog, which nobody read I’ll admit that it wasn’t that great But if you must know, here’s what it said:
One hundred of my favorite albums Two hundred people I can’t take Four hundred movies I would like to recommend Ten celebrities, four of whom I might assassinate
I started a blog, I sent you the link I wanted the world (you) to know what I think
I started a blog, but when I read yours It made me forget what I had started mine for
I'm going to go outside now and bond with my mandolin.
06:36 pm - RIP Anna Nicole This doesn't depress me in the slightest. Now her baby girl won't be forgotten in a freezer or be fed formula laced in trimspa, and will now (hopefully) be raised by humans with functioning brains. The real question is, what happens to all that money?
Romantic, hopeful, and composed. You are the Sonnet. Get it? Composed?
Sonnets want Love and have high ideals about it. They're conscientious people, caring & careful. You yourself have deep convictions, and you devote a lot of thought to romance and what it should be. This will frighten away most potential mates, but that's okay, because you're very choosy with your affections anyway. You'd absolutely refuse to date someone dumber than you, for instance.
Your exact opposite: Genghis Khunt Random Brutal Sex Master
Lovers who share your idealized perspective, or who are at least willing to totally throw themselves into a relationship, will be very, very happy with you. And you with them. You're already selfless and compassionate, and with the right partner, there's no doubt you can be sensual, even adventurously so.
You probably have lots of female friends, and they have a special soft spot for you. Babies do, too, at the tippy-top of their baby skulls.
ALWAYS AVOID: The 5-Night Stand, The False Messiah, The Hornivore, The Last Man on Earth
11:49 am - Put on the Red Light. Ok, so here I am back at livejournal, bored, going through my friends entries. I find myself annoyed that this has become the medium for making plans and sharing stories. I rarely ever get on here, and whenever I do I am dissapointed in learning that I've missed out on a get-together simply because I missed my e-vite. What happened to the telephone? Is it too much work anymore to call friends for a chat? I'm not mad at anyone at all, just society in general. And perhaps just mad at myself. I find it lame that I sit at home every night and do nothing, but only because I don't get on livejournal and read about what everyone's plans are.
On a happier note.... And I'm sure everyone has already heared about this... BUT THE POLICE ARE GETTING TOGETHER FOR A TOUR!!!! (maybe) Something is in the works, and everytime I even think about getting the chance to see them live, I practically cream my jeans. Seriously, I get way more excited about seeing them than David Bowie, but only because David Bowie has always been a possiblity, and to me, I had as much a chance of seeing the Police play together as I had of seeing all four Beatles together. GOD. And then the following convo took place with Jon-
Jon- "What if David Bowie and the Police played together?" Me- *cough, choke, swoon, gasp, nearly die* "NEVER SAY ANYTHING LIKE THAT AGAIN! MY MIND WILL EXPLODE WITH ECSTASY!" Jon- "What if David Bowie and the Police played together?"
Ahh.. I'm such a dork.
PS- NATALIE I MISS YOU CRAZY.
EDIT: I just watched the music video for "Don't Stand so Close to Me". Holy Crap, Sting is the teacher in the song, and so... fuck. At the end, he's sitting at the desk and just starts taking off his clothes. Natalie, I'm sure you can appreciate this. Watch it, now. Current Location:Home. Current Mood: frustrated Current Music: Duh, The Police.
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